**CW: weight loss, food**
**This post discusses weight loss and food in a negative light**
For many years (probably as long as I could comprehend what health was), I have always wanted to be a healthy person. Unfortunately, I have always struggled with this, mentally, physically, spiritually, etc. At this point in my life, my main focus is trying to have a healthy relationship with myself. My main focus in this post is going to be my physical health journey, but I do plan on speaking on other forms of health in later posts.
I have a very unhealthy relationship with food
I am one of those people that eats (or used to bc I don’t do it as much anymore) when I’m bored, sad, upset, etc. (Actually, I lied... I still do this lol). Sometimes, I view food in a very negative light, like I see it as just a way to get more fat (kind of hard to explain). So, I've definitely gone through stages in my life where I didn't want to eat at all.
I don’t like my body
And, I honestly never have. I’m definitely trying to change this mindset, but sometimes I don’t even like looking in the mirror. Growing up, all my uncles and aunties always, like ALWAYS, pointed out my weight. They would say things like, “what happened to you… how did you get so fat… when are you going to lose weight…” This definitely wasn’t great for my mental health. I even have a memory of my brother comparing me to the hippo from Madagascar (which made me lowkey hate the movie and my name… and still to this day, I feel some type of way). I have another memory of my cousin randomly calling me fat after we came home from a party. I’m the second child and I’m fat while my older sister is not, so of course this is the first thing that everyone talks about. None of my family members ever talked about my body in a positive way, so how am I supposed to feel, especially when I not only hear stuff like this at home, but also on tv and social media and everywhere else in life.
While I appreciate the #bodyposi movement, I still don’t like my body. It's so strange though. Like I’m so here for body positivity and I even encourage young people (and everyone) to love their bodies, no matter how they look, but for some reason, I can’t seem to accept it for myself. I want everyone to love the way they look in the mirror, but for some reason, I can't get there for myself. I wonder what that says about me...
To this day, I struggle to show my legs and even my arms. I really like to be fully covered up because I guess in a way, you can’t tell as much how fat I really am. Any clothes that emphasize my body shape also make me uncomfortable. Honestly, all clothes make me uncomfortable, like I'm lowkey at the point where I dodge the mirror bc ew who wants to see that y'know :( not me 😕.
Health Goals
Right now, my main goal is to exercise intensely, at least three times a week
I worked out yesterday and it felt so great. Exercising is a great form of stress-relief for me. My issue is that sometimes I don’t have the motivation to even do things that I want to do (and also gym intimidation and whatnot). But, even when I'm sore from working out, I feel much better than when I don't work out.
Another goal is to eat healthier and in a way that will allow me to lose weight.
I’m going to try keto for a few months. And, I’ve heard all the bad stuff that can happen, but I still want to try it lol. Also, my doctor literally told me to go on keto (so if it's makes my health worse then that's my doctor's fault💀 jk). I don’t plan on being on keto long-term though, so if it works for me and I lose weight, then I’m going to have to learn how to eat carbs again without gaining all the lost weight back. I'm also trying to avoid over-consuming sodium and missing out on important nutrients.
I’m also planning on eating a lower amount of carbs long-term. I’m not sure how many grams of carbs a day is a healthy amount while also maintaining a lot of weight loss, but I do plan on doing much more research into it.
Also, I don’t even know if I’m going to be consistent with keto lol. I’m not the biggest fan of meat, so we’ll see how it goes. Like meat is tolerable, but I can definitely go without it. I lowkey miss being a pescatarian lol. I can speak even more about what I eat or make an updated post later in the year.
So yeah, that's a little bit about my health journey. My main goal is to have a much more positive outlook on life and think about myself in a much more positive way. I want to stop looking down on myself and thinking that I look disgusting in the mirror. I want to stop caring what people think and stop thinking that everyone looks at me in a negative way. I hope this post was helpful to someone and if it was offensive in any way, please let me know!
Love,
G💕
(P.S. I'm sorry if this post seemed a little rushed. I was having a little bit of a difficult time actually writing all of this out.)
(P.P.S. I'm sorry that all of my posts are super long💀)
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